The Gentle and the Harsh

II.      Vows of Rejection

“We renounce violence of the heart, tongue and fist, neither willing nor working harm to any”

8. I will reject violence of the tongue: I will not speak or write any curse, insult, abuse, slander, deception, falsehood, or gossip

(by Meredith Farmer via Flicker)

My grandmother used to chide (gently) her quarreling grandchildren, “A gentle answer turns away anger.” I loved my grandmother and thought her wise, but I always found it an annoying thing to be told in the heat of a good bicker. As inopportune as it sometimes was, I eventually took the verse to heart. When bullies at school picked on me (I was, after all, a flamingly self-righteous little know-it-all), I tried practicing Proverbs 15:1. But the encounters frequently ended in my stirred up anger…or tears…or both (and the antagonists got what they wanted--a reaction out of me)! By junior high I deemed “the soft answer” only useful for respectable and proper grandmothers. The young life required an eye for an eye, or rather, insult for insult. 

You can guess how well that experiment worked. Over the years I’ve witnessed the devastation and trauma of words ill-spoken (and whispered, yelled, nonverbal or written). Our wordy world is rife with polemic and sarcasm, insult and disdain, hearsay and prejudice. Small wonder the writer of James quips, “How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire!” But I’ve also regained profound hope for the transformative power of the gentle answer, the anger-turning potency of a peacemaking tongue. I’ve watched elderly Jamaican nuns diffuse a burgeoning knife fight with an exasperated cluck and disarming question.  I’ve learned from Virginia teachers who firmly but caringly redirected agitated students. I’ve witnessed community mediators enable safe communication between raging parties.  

But, as in the wisdom of James, the fiery or icy or simply overactive tongue will not be tamed by our sheer willpower and tactics alone. We turn instead to our deepest source of strength, “Submit yourselves therefore to God…Humble yourself before the Lord.” It is in this subordination to God we make our eighth vow today, “I will reject violence of the tongue: I will not speak or write any curse, insult, abuse, slander, deception, falsehood, or gossip.”

Options For Reflection and Action:

• Proverbs may seem like disparate poetry, but sit with Proverbs 15:1-16:3. What phrases or stanzas stand out to you? What wisdom about your tongue is God speaking to you? Seek wise and gentle words today.
• What fires have you set ablaze around you with your words? How have words stained and poisoned your church body? Ask God to help you turn from your part in this.
• Read the part of Jesus’ sermon in Matthew 5:21-24. Take some time today to find one person against whom you have lashed out with snide remarks, chilly words, lies or gossip and take a step toward reconciliation.

 Prayer Focus (Psalm 19:14)

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

be acceptable to you,

O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.